Why Does Life Feel So Hard?!

Laura and Mishayla explore how childhood experiences create lasting templates in our nervous system that trigger automatic responses in similar situations throughout our lives. 

• Our nervous system takes "snapshots" during emotionally charged moments that can be triggered later in similar circumstances
• When we feel helpless or threatened, our body goes into fight, flight, or freeze responses that can become habitual patterns
• Children often interpret negative experiences as meaning something about themselves ("I'm not good enough")
• Adults can help children process difficult experiences by acknowledging their feelings rather than dismissing them
• Grounding techniques help bring our prefrontal cortex back online when we're triggered
• Different grounding methods work for different people - find what works specifically for you
• Accepting anxiety rather than fighting it can reduce its power over us
• Changing our narrative about past experiences helps rewrite our nervous system templates
• We can learn to recognize when we're triggered and create plans to respond differently

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https://benavieri.com/neuroception-sign-up/

This show is sponsored by: 

Core Self 

www.coreself.org

Benavieri Counseling & Coaching
www.benavieri.com

Active Healing Psychiatric Services
www.activehealingpsych.com

Transcript

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Welcome to Why Am I Like This?

Laura 0:00

Hello and welcome to . Why Am I Like this ? The podcast for those who didn't get enough hugs as a child ? I'm Laura Wood and I'm a trauma therapist .

Michaela 0:10

And I'm Michaela Beaver . I'm a psychiatric nurse practitioner .

Laura 0:15

So , Michaela , why are we doing this podcast ?

Michaela 0:18

I'm so glad you asked . We want to help you understand yourself a bit better how the things you learned about yourself and the world in childhood are still affecting you today . We want to figure out why are we like this those random things about ourselves that we might wonder about , like why am I so jumpy ? Why am I so anxious ? Why do I take everything personally ? Why are my thoughts so negative ? Why do I feel like I have to fix everything ?

Laura 0:42

all the time . Ugh , yes , and today we're talking about hard things and how they shaped us . We're going to try to answer the following questions how did the past experiences affect us then , how could they be still affecting us today and what can we do about it ? So let's get started . What do you think about past experiences and how they kind of have a big impact on us ?

Michaela 1:09

Yeah , as I was thinking about like this podcast and thinking about like what would I want to talk about , what would I think about for this ? And I was thinking about like one thing I was thinking about was you know how , um , what we learn about experiences . So I was thinking about my third grade experience and I don't think we've talked I don't think I've talked about this one on the podcast . So I had this teacher and , um , she called all the students by like princess one , princess two , princess three , whatever .

Michaela 1:47

So we got numbers and I was kind of like a shy , quiet kid or whatever . And her favorite favorite student , um , was this guy who was very like animated and loud and like very talkative and like just like the exact opposite of me , and so I was thinking about like what that taught me then was that like , like I wasn't good enough , like like there was something wrong with me . That like I , I think I was like princess 32 or something like that , like and so like that I think further , like made me go into myself more than it did , like help me be more like animated and like want to be like the other kid yeah , but it didn't really like nurture any kind of learning or growth .

Laura 2:45

It really just shaped like you kind of shut down a little bit maybe didn't want to change or didn't want to do anything differently , because maybe you were afraid .

Michaela 2:55

Yeah , I think I was . I think that , like you know , as a kid we look at like who we're like , what we're like Right , and we think about like I'm not like the kid that she liked , I'm different than that , so there must be something wrong with me . And I think that , like when I think about the nervous system response that that probably caused was a lot of freeze right , like um fight or flight freeze response , and so I think that , like that just taught my nervous system what to do when I just didn't feel like I was comfortable .

Laura 3:33

Yeah , anytime we have those hard experiences , our nervous system it creates like a mark on our nervous system .

Laura 3:40

Like our survival response

How Past Experiences Affect Us

Laura 3:43

is to optimize , like our capacity to survive in that moment and we're going to do what we feel like we need to do in order to get through it with as minimal injury . Right , and so if it's too much of a risk to make a change or like to put yourself out there like to feel vulnerable , that's not going to work . So we shift to the other way and then our parasympathetic nervous system kind of takes over and like slows us way down and and puts us into like a shutdown , or you know , our sympathetic nervous system could activate and put us into a freeze , which is where we're just like frozen in fear or frozen in like , um , frozen in feeling like nothing that we do is going to work or nothing that we do is going to be good enough , Like we don't have , like we're feeling helpless , Um , and then I tried my best , and my best wasn't good enough , and so , therefore , I have to conserve energy Like I have to .

Michaela 4:44

I have to just survive .

Laura 4:48

Yeah , and what's interesting is these marks on our nervous system like they stay with us forever , like they create almost like a template of a response that then gets inserted into other scenarios that are similar . Yeah , so our body will keep using that same response over and over and over . Like I don't remember a lot of my childhood experiences , but like when I do , they're like those visceral memories , right when they're really powerful , like vivid memories , and it's like it teaches you something right , like what you said you were learning in that moment . Like I'm not good enough , there's something wrong with me . A lot of the time , these hard experiences create a negative narrative about ourselves in our head where we think , like I can't do it or I'm not good enough .

Laura 5:42

I'm broken , or I'm bad or I'm different .

Michaela 5:48

Well , and I think that , like too , I think that , like in this experience , I'm like , okay , I could totally see like people pleasing being a response to you know , like trying to overcome not feeling like we're good enough , right , like just always trying to make everybody else happy so that you know we don't rock the boat , or like , you know just , or like hiding , right .

Michaela 6:09

So I think of , like you know , imposter syndrome in this scenario , right . So like when I and I still think I know that this is a thing that I feel , but I know that , especially like when I was not quite in NP yet and I was still learning and I was working in the emergency room , I think I felt a lot of that , and so , like you know , the doctors were so kind and they were so helpful and they were trying to like help me learn and help me grow . But I think that , like that , that's a moment where I felt that that freeze came back , where I was like , oh , my gosh , I'm not good enough , like they're going to judge me and I'm going to fail , and so it would create a similar response . And so , you know , I felt like , even though I knew a lot of answers or whatever I was like oh , I'm going to , I'm going to do something wrong . I'm not going to give the right answer Like I'm . I'm a fraud , right .

Laura 7:03

Yeah , and when we have that feeling it really hijacks us and like takes away our perspective from the bigger picture .

Marks on the Nervous System

Laura 7:13

Like it makes it so , like we zoom in so much to the fear that we really can't zoom out and see that like we're just one person out of 30 students or whatever , and you know it's not that big of a deal , like it's not the end of the world If somebody , if we make a mistake or if somebody like judges us even , or you know , but we can't zoom out and we can't see that big picture of like the whole thing and the the you know more important things about it . Like I'm going through this experience and I'm learning and I'm growing and I'm um , I don't have to have all the answers , that's right , that's right .

Laura 7:58

That's like with a growth mindset we don't already know everything we have . When we have a growth mindset , we realize that we're in the process , we're realized that we're not experts yet and we're um , we're open to learning from our experiences and when we have an experience that teaches us , um , something , we take the teaching versus the failing . Like , we focus on the learning versus focusing on the mistake , and that's with a growth mindset . But sometimes , in those moments when we feel small or when we feel like our nervous system is kind of hijacking us , it's so hard to see that growth mindset . In that moment , everything just feels too big and everything just feels like , like we're the this , like spotlight is on us and everybody's going to notice every single flaw that we possibly have .

Michaela 8:59

Well , and I think you know , I think back to like the third grade experience , like in the home setting , you look like you're completely normal because you're in a comfortable place . That's safe , right , and it's not that I didn't like tell my parents what was going on , it's that they didn't know how much it was affecting me . I didn't know it wasn't normal , right , like I didn't know that this was a thing that was like , not what , how everybody else felt , cause I'm , I was eight , right , and I was , I was . I started school on the young end . So , like , I was the probably like one of the youngest kids in the class . So there's all these kids that have a lot more , you know , a year , almost a year , ahead of me and their knowledge and their growth . So I was always probably trying to play catch up with them developmentally .

Michaela 9:49

I didn't know that , though as a kid right , as a kid , you don't really think about those things , and so you know , I think that that you know , I think about how , like I asked for help , I told my parents what happened , but nothing changed . How could that have affected my nervous system ? Right , like I'm alone , I can't do , I can't . There's nothing I can do to fix this ? Nobody's going to save me , right ? Nobody has any answers for me , right ? I'm on my own .

Laura 10:18

Yeah , and that feeling of being on your own when you're a kid is so big it's insurmountable .

Laura 10:24

Right , we can't make it on our own . We need support and help . But we also don't necessarily know how to communicate what we need or like really dig into like what the problems are . And then also sometimes , when kids have problems like adults in our lives , like just kind of say like okay , that's not that big of a deal , like you'll be fine or it's no big deal . But when we're not getting that attunement to like the concern and nobody's really saying like I really understand where you're coming from and I really feel like this , this is big for you , like I can tell that you're really upset . You know kind of connecting with that and attuning to that , like any experience that you have with the adult in your life , when the adult is not , um , I don't know connecting and attuning , then we're in a position where our nervous system is going to respond to that like that we're alone and that we don't have the support that we need and we're going to feel helpless .

Michaela 11:21

Right , but also like my adult brain now , looking back at that situation , I'm like that was dumb , who cares Right ? Like why ? Why did that ? You know ? Like . So I think that , like , look an adult looking into this and this is one of the things that you can take away from this is that , like as an adult , when your kid comes to you with a problem , just because you don't think it's a big problem , doesn't mean that it's not a big problem for them .

Laura 11:47

Yeah , we have to have empathy for our kids . And it's hard to have empathy for kids because everything is so big . Like kids can be dramatic , right , they can , kind of they can make mountains out of molehills , and we don't want to feed into that like overly dramatic response . We don't want to like make everything a big deal . But I think sometimes just simply acknowledging and saying like hey , I see you , this is really hard for you , it's really hard for you to make this change , it's really hard for you to go through this class , it's really hard for you , you know , like kind of reflecting , just reflecting back on what they're going through , like you're going through a hard time and I get that and you know I'm here for you can go a long way .

Michaela 12:34

Yeah , Well , and I think that you know , helping them to understand like hey , right now you think that this means something about you , and then helping them come up with like why it doesn't .

Laura 12:48

Right .

Michaela 12:49

Okay , it makes you feel like you're not good enough , but maybe like , are there some ways that you think that maybe you are good enough , right , and like highlighting the positive things and helping them come up with the answers on their own , so that they can kind of realize oh okay , maybe these thoughts aren't true .

Laura 13:04

So that they can kind of realize oh okay , maybe these thoughts aren't true . And in trauma therapy we work to change that negative cognition to a positive one or a neutral one , and so sometimes the answer isn't positive , the answer is just neutral , like maybe this doesn't mean anything about you , maybe this story isn't about you at all . It's about this teacher who is , you know , not necessarily making the best decisions for how she addresses her class and um , and it's not , it's not really taking a nurturing posture . I think sometimes we think something . This means this has to mean something about us . But the reality is it doesn't mean anything about us , it means everything about the other person .

Michaela 13:48

Yeah , like maybe this lady didn't remember people's names and so she had to come up with another way to , not you know , call people the wrong name or something . Yeah .

Laura 13:59

That's probably a thing Like if I'm a teacher and I have 30 something kids , I'm supposed to remember all their names Like that's hard to do so then I can just like create this numbering system that makes it make sense . So it's really just about her effort to like manage that situation for herself . And that's really what we're all doing all the time is we are managing our own situation and we're managing our own distress , and however we're doing that can sometimes affect other people .

Michaela 14:33

Can I like that . I think that it's important to know that , like though we're responsible for our own emotional responses to things , people can affect our emotions , but it's our job to really work on managing that response and working through how that's affecting us . The other thing that I wanted to say is , like you know , it's not about the experience of whatever it was that we went through or we're going through even now today , but especially as children , as our brains are developing and we're like learning about the world and ourselves and trying to understand things better . It's really about the nervous system response , right . So , like you know , we talk a lot about , like going into the stress response and then , you know , going into the trauma response in these situations , right , and so if we feel like we there's nothing we can do and we're helpless , that's more likely going to start the trauma response and it's going to become something that gets a little bit stuck for us right , yeah , absolutely .

Laura 15:43

And then that response will kick back up in similar situations down the road . So , like these things affect us in that moment by creating a narrative and creating this like template of a response that we're going to then use later on . And so , as we think about how those emotional experiences affect us in our later life , like , think about you know , maybe , when you see people , when somebody maybe like I don't know if this is true for you , but like if somebody calls you princess , like you're like , like I don't like that , right , like I don't like being called princess , I don't like being um , given like a pet name or something , right , because you have this like response to it where it was this negative thing for you . And so your nervous system is like , oh no , something about that is bad . I don't necessarily know what about it is bad , but it's bad and we don't like it and it's not good for us . And so , like you're going to reject that idea in the future , right ?

Laura 16:42

Like , um , I sometimes tell the restaurant story of you know where this fictional kid gets left behind at the restaurant after the mom and dad like pack all the kids in the car , and then you know , maybe she gets out and goes in cause she forgot her stuffed animal .

Laura 17:00

And she gets out and goes in the restaurant and the parents like don't realize , and they start to drive away . Now , even if that experience only lasts like 30 seconds , in that moment that kid is feeling like they're being left behind by their parents and so they might notice . So their nervous system is going to take a snapshot of everything in the restaurant , because all of that stuff now is going to signal danger , right , like the red chairs or the smell of French fries or , you know , hamburgers or whatever , right ? So we're going to take a snapshot

Helping Children Process Hard Experiences

Laura 17:35

of everything we see , we feel , we taste , we smell , we're using our senses to take that information in , and then our nervous kind of fuzzy too Right Like it's not clear , because all that cortisol is kind of messing with our ability to take that perfectly clear picture .

Michaela 17:52

So like now , all of a sudden , a red chair is all that we like , kind of see . Right , that's right .

Laura 17:58

Yeah . So it's like taking these individual things that aren't really connected and related to each other in any way , and then it's like saying this is this is possibly dangerous , because I don't know what part of this made us get left behind , but something did . Was it the way we were acting ? Was it the way that ? Was it the restaurant itself ? Was it the smell ? I don't know .

Laura 18:20

But what's going to happen now is my memory is going to get activated when I see those similar things , and I'm not going to know why , because this experience really only lasted 30 seconds and I wasn't in any danger and it was fine . But I don't know that because I'm a baby any danger and it was fine , but I don't know that because I'm a baby . I , you know , like when I'm a little kid at the time , like just feeling afraid . I don't know that they're coming back . I don't know that . You know it wasn't my fault that that happened or whatever . But I might create this like negative , um , this negative thought loop about like what happened in that moment and that it was my fault or that something I was bad , or they didn't want me , or something like that , and then those things can come back and get me later on when , like , I walk into a restaurant and I feel the and I smell those similar things and I see those similar things , I might just get anxious , right , and I might just like have a panic attack for and for seemingly no reason .

Laura 19:17

But it's really my nervous system saying , hey , this is dangerous , like this is a really bad situation that you're in right now , right , you might get left , yeah , and you might be abandoned .

Laura 19:28

And that's so scary that our nervous system will just like have this response and it's not taking in the other data , it's not taking in that bigger picture , like we talked about . The big picture that says , like this is just a restaurant and it's not dangerous . The big picture that says , like that was a one-time thing because of this other circumstance and it's not related to what's happening now . Like I often say to clients , like this isn't that right , like this is not that one time , this is a different time and there's different circumstances and it's not , you know , it's not dangerous just because you were in danger . That one time doesn't mean that every single time you encounter these things that it's dangerous . And we have to kind of retrain our nervous system a little bit . We have to introduce that new information , that adaptive , helpful information that says I am not in any danger , I am capable of taking care of myself , I'm capable of finding help if I need it , there's nothing wrong with me , like those adaptive , helpful pieces of information . We can retrain our nervous system with those .

Michaela 20:39

And that sounds that's and that's the ultimate goal , right , but by the time they're actually reaching you . In therapy they have encountered the same scenario multiple times and that pathway is pretty strong , so it takes time and effort to rewire things and calm that pathway down so that your body can go . Oh wait , maybe I don't need to tell you that this is dangerous anymore .

Laura 21:05

Yeah , it takes rewriting , like sometimes I use like a cell phone analogy , right , like when our apps , like you know , the apps on your phone like need an update so they get kind of glitchy or whatever right Like . So if we don't update , so we have to go in and manually like click , update this app in order to kind of rewrite that narrative and reprogram that particular content in our brain . If our brain is like a bunch of neural networks and they're all just these apps , sometimes we find that one that hasn't been updated in a while and we have to go in and really like program it and do that on purpose and give it new information

Retraining Your Nervous System

Laura 21:43

and give it access to the present day right the data collection from the present day like connect it to the internet , get it online . Sometimes we say like well , you need to bring our prefrontal cortex back online in order to give the rest of our neural networks access to the present day information .

Michaela 22:02

Yeah , and that makes a lot of sense . And , you know , grounding is a really good way of getting people , to help them back into getting back into letting that nervous system calm down , getting our prefrontal cortex back online and reminding ourselves that , like , hey , I'm a 39 year old woman , I live in this address , I I'm , you know , I'm not that you know eight year old version of myself anymore .

Laura 22:31

Yeah , and not every single grounding tool works for every single person too . Like I think that's important to note is that , like there's a billion different ways that we can ground ourselves , but not all of them are going to work for you . So every person really needs to think about what means safety to them and like what helps them feel competent and capable and powerful . Like for me , I like using my age because it reminds me that I'm an adult and I'm not a kid . That's helpful for me .

Laura 23:07

That might not be helpful for everyone , right , I like to use things in the room because it makes the room it kind of like zooms me out a little bit . Instead of like having this like myopic lens of just the fear and in my head . I like to kind of get out of my head and get into the room and like look for shapes in the room . That kind of distract me a little bit and kind of get me more centered . Those work for me , but that doesn't mean it works for everybody . More centered , those work for me , but that doesn't mean it works for everybody . So it's important to practice lots of skills Like they have . You can go online and download a list of a hundred grounding skills and there's tons of tons of them out there and we just have to find the ones that work for us .

Michaela 23:51

That's good advice , for sure .

Laura 23:54

And when we , you know , start to use them , they don't always work the first time either . Like someone said to me recently like , oh , that doesn't work for . I can't remember what it was , but it was like , oh , that doesn't work for me . I was like , well , why not ? What happens ? And she was saying , well , as soon as I'm done with the grounding skill , like my fear comes back or my feelings come back , like I'm like , okay , then you do it again . And so it's like it's not that it's not working , it's just that it doesn't last that long .

Laura 24:28

Initially , right , because we're in that state like of hyper arousal . We haven't trained our body to kind of get used to and settle in to the calm , because a lot of the time we are so amped up If we've had a lot of really hard things in our life and we've had to do really hard things kind of over and over and over and chronically and consistently our body hasn't really learned how to be calm . It doesn't know what that looks like . It doesn't know how to feel that in a safe way .

Michaela 25:01

Yeah , and so then it's going to take a little bit more work to not only ground but also and like , and and calm our nervous system , but also to recognize that , like , being anxious is what your brain is trying to tell you . If we worry about everything that's out there , if we keep worrying about stuff , then that's what's going to keep us safe . It isn't true , right ? We can logically know that , like , if I worry about getting into a car accident , it's not going to actually prevent me from getting into a car accident . What prevents me is planning and preparing and paying attention while I'm driving right , these are helpful things . But worrying about if it's going to happen , that does nothing good for me . But our brain a part of our brain thinks that it's going to be really helpful if we just worry about every scenario , and so then that becomes our baseline where we think that we're safe if we're doing that . Right , but if we can learn how to be calm and we can calm our nervous system , that's what actually is safe .

Laura 26:10

Yeah , yeah , like I think my dog's whining . I'm so sorry . So I think when we actually learn how to be in the calm and realize that me being calm isn't going to create like danger , right ? So , for example , some people believe that if I relax then I'll be blindsided by what comes up , right , so we have to be hypervigilant , like well , if I relax then it'll be worse because something will come up and I won't be prepared . But really the opposite is true .

Laura 26:48

When we relax and when we are , you know , our most calm self , then we have access to more of that prefrontal cortex , that executive functioning that's telling us how to navigate a situation in an effective way . It's used . We can use our experience and our knowledge in the most effective way when we're grounded and calm , versus when we're hypervigilant . And you know hypervigilance is really we're just focused on one thing that could possibly happen . We're just focused on one thing that could possibly happen , versus seeing that big picture and zooming out and being able to , like , prepare for many scenarios that life has to bring right . We have . The world is a dynamic place . It's not just going to . We're not like we're not more likely to experience the thing that we're hypervigilant about than we are to experience all these other things that we need to have our brain online to , to , to sort of deal with at the time .

Michaela 27:45

Yeah , that's a good point . Um , so what else could we do to help ourselves manage like the things that you know we went through as a kid in our on our day-to-day tasks , like I ?

Managing Anxiety and Breaking Templates

Laura 28:06

think like we need to change the narrative . We need to maybe retell ourselves the story of , like , what that meant about us in that moment . So , if we can challenge that narrative and then bring in that adaptive perspective of this wasn't about you , this is about them , or this was just a freak accident , like , sometimes accidents are just , they just happen . They don't happen , for you know , because of you , or it's not something that you caused , like , so , rewriting that narrative about like it's not about me , this isn't my doing , we're not that powerful , right ? Like we can kind of take ourselves out of it and that can really help us tell our nervous system like , oh , okay , well , if it's not about me , then I don't have to control it . And that can really help us tell our nervous system like , oh , okay , well , if it's not about me , then I don't have to control it . Yeah , like I think we want to control everything all the time .

Michaela 29:10

Well , I think it also comes back to like the literal phobia of feeling anxious , right , like those past experiences . Whether we recognize it or not yet right , those past experiences are affecting the way that our nervous system responds to things . But in the moment , well , like you said , what we focus on is our experience of the situation . So , like our heart is racing , we get sweaty , we get hot , we get flushed , we feel embarrassed that people can see that we feel that way , and so we want to escape because of that feeling right . We don't like how it feels , we know it doesn't feel right , and so then we just want to get away from that or we want to avoid feeling that way .

Laura 30:03

I think accepting that we have these negative experiences sometimes is also important . Trying to prevent me from ever being triggered or trying to prevent ever experiencing anxiety or distress that's just not realistic . I will experience this anxiety , I will experience embarrassment , I will experience negative emotions like that is going to happen and I need to be okay with that . I need to be okay knowing that , like these emotions are going to come and I can handle them .

Michaela 30:37

I think that's the big thing , you know . I think that , like anxiety steals that from us , we , we , we , we have a catastrophic thought right , like the worst possible is going to happen , and then I'm not capable of managing it . And that's what's stealing from us , our our ability to say like , okay , well , even if that happens , I can handle it .

Laura 31:01

Right .

Michaela 31:02

Like I can manage it because I've done hard things , and I think that that's a really big piece of like being able to push through some of those fears about feeling anxious or feeling dumb or feeling whatever it is that you , you feel .

Laura 31:19

Yeah , and I think sometimes . So I share with people like to invite the anxiety , to just like sit next to you , like invite the stuff , like let it exist , let it be there and don't try to like control it or push it or like banish it or eliminate it , because it's just going to grow Right , persists , that's right . What we resist persists . I love that .

Michaela 31:46

But I think too , like I like that , and I I sometimes tell clients like hey , thanks , thank , like , thank you , anxiety , like that you're doing , your body is doing its job , but you always say go , you're , you're like you're , you're reinforcing that pathway , being active , so activated , and so then your brain isn't like okay , I need to remind you of this 500 times today .

Laura 32:36

Yeah , when we are in that thought loop of I need to think about this over and over and over until it gets done , Like there's lots of different ways to cope with that One , we can write stuff down and kind of get it out of our brain too . We can check in with ourself and just be like , hey , okay , Like almost have a conversation with that anxiety , Like , okay , so you're telling me I need to do this . Will I get this done ? Yes , Like what is my plan to get this done ? What is my experience that you know ? What am I experiencing ? Is it fear ? Is it fear of failure ? Right , Like so , kind of just having that conversation with yourself like what's really going on here and what do I need in order to make sure that I can effectively manage this situation ?

Laura 33:25

Sometimes it's not that the problem needs to be solved right in that moment . Sometimes the problem can't be solved right in that moment and it's just about having some reflection and really just introspection , trying to understand where that's coming from and trying to reinforce the plan . Right , Let yourself know like , hmm , I will be able to manage this . Like I'm going to do this at this time . I'm going to take care of this . You know when I get to the office , or whatever .

Michaela 33:53

Yeah , absolutely Well , and I think that that sounds like maybe you know a story from a kid who maybe didn't get their stuff done , or there was a time where there was a negative consequence for not getting things done , and so now we have to overthink okay , did I get ? Did I get this done ? We were just talking this morning that we had a relaxing weekend . It was a long weekend and there were things that we , you know , needed to get done . And you have that like panic okay , I

Accepting Emotions and Moving Forward

Michaela 34:23

need to get this done . And it's like that's a good thing . It is there to help you , tell you that this is important , this is important , it needs to get done . That anxiety is driving you and so it's a good thing , as long as you don't let it become like you use it for the good and not let it just paralyze you .

Laura 34:45

Absolutely Like that's . What I was just thinking about is like I woke up at three o'clock in the morning thinking , oh my gosh , I have to take care of these three tasks or whatever . And then I'm like it's three in the morning . Why am I thinking about like ? This is my thought process last night or this morning . I thought I don't need to take care of this right now . I will be able to do this today during the day , like after I wake up and I have time . So I ran through my schedule . I was like okay , what's my schedule tomorrow ? I have this , this , this . Do I have time to get this done ? I have this , this , this . Do I have time to get this done ? Yes , Will I make sure that I take care of it ? Yes , Is it on my to-do list ? Yes , Done . And then I don't have . And then I can say thanks , anxiety for bringing it up . We've got a plan . I can move forward now . Yeah , and I can let go of those thoughts .

Michaela 35:38

And that's a healthy way of managing it . So we can't stop the stressor from happening . We can't stop the fact that we're out of our normal routine .

Laura 35:49

Right , there was nothing I could do to prevent myself from waking up at three in the morning , and you know thinking about these tasks . That's not the problem .

Michaela 35:56

Right , the problem is being able to plan , prepare , let it go and go back to sleep .

Laura 36:03

Yeah , which is what I did , and it worked out great . And then I took care of my tasks this morning and everything's good , they're all done .

Michaela 36:14

See , we can do hard things .

Laura 36:16

We can do really hard things . I think that is just the perfect place to end it today too , and thank you so much for this conversation and all of this good advice . I really think that it's important that we all zoom out a little bit from time to time and let go of some of those old templates that are no longer serving us . Go of some of those old templates that are no longer serving us , and thank you so much for listening to why Am I Like this ? If you like our show , please leave us a rating and review on your favorite podcast platform , follow the show and share it with your friends . This episode was written and produced by me , laura Wood and Michaela Beaver . Our theme song is Making Ends Meat by Thick as Thieves , and a special thanks to Core Self, Benavieri Counseling and Active Healing Psychiatric Services for sponsoring this show .